Frequently Asked Questions
Bridge Conciliation abides by the Guidelines and Rules of Procedure as set by the Institute for Christian Conciliation (ICC Peace). Below are answers to commonly asked questions about Biblical Conciliation. Excerpts below are taken from the ICC Guidelines for Christian Conciliation.
Who provides Christian conciliation services?
Christian conciliation services may be provided by an individual volunteer, a professional mediator, a Certified Christian Conciliator, a local church, a denominational ministry, or a formally established conciliation ministry, such as the Institute for Christian Conciliation™ which is provided by ICC Peace.
What types of disputes can be resolved through Christian conciliation?
Christian conciliation has been used to settle a wide variety of disputes, from purely relational to substantive legal issues, including contract, employment, family, personal injury, church, landlord/tenant, real estate, construction, insurance, intellectual property, creditor/debtor, and professional conflicts. The monetary claims in these cases have ranged from nothing to several million dollars. Some of the cases that have been resolved through Christian conciliation arose when:
the owner of a house accused a builder of doing defective work
an employee claimed that she was improperly fired from her job
the owners of a business could not agree on how to divide its assets
a church was being torn apart by conflicts
a church and Christian school were in conflict
a partner in an oil and gas development venture believed he had been defrauded
a patient alleged that a doctor had performed surgery improperly
the birth mother of a child wanted to reverse an adoption
an author claimed that a publisher had broken a contract to publish his book
family members were unable to reconcile after the death of their parents
a family was disputing over the value and distribution of a family business
a husband and wife were struggling with an impending divorce
two business people disagreed over intellectual property rights
two ranchers disagreed on road right-of-way
a company claimed that its competitor's product infringed on its patent
a divorced couple disagreed constantly over child support and visitation
How expensive is Christian conciliation?
Christian conciliation is usually less expensive than litigation. Some conciliators serve on a volunteer basis, while others charge an hourly fee. In cases of financial hardship, most conciliators will work with the parties to develop a manageable payment plan.
Is a conciliation clause legally enforceable?
Yes. Courts have consistently upheld written conciliation clauses similar to those under Part IV of these Guidelines, even when one of the parties objected. Sometimes a party may file a lawsuit to avoid following a conciliation clause, but the courts usually require that the parties abide by their original agreement.
May I use Christian conciliation even after a lawsuit has been filed?
Yes. If the other party is willing, the two of you may agree to postpone further legal proceedings while you attempt to resolve your differences through conciliation. If conciliation is successful, you may file a stipulation with the court to close the case.
Can Christian conciliation result in a legally binding agreement or decision?
Yes, if you and the other party so desire. Agreements reached through private negotiations or mediation may be documented in legal contracts or stipulations. Arbitration decisions are legally binding and can be enforced as a judgment of a civil court.
Whats the Difference between Mediation and Arbitration?
Mediationis a relatively informal and voluntary process in which mediators facilitate communication and negotiation between the parties. Mediators are as concerned with reconciling the parties as with helping them to settle their substantive differences. If the parties do not reach an agreement on their own, they may ask the mediators to issue an advisory opinion, which is not legally binding but is often accepted by both sides. If mediation is unsuccessful, the parties may decide to quit the process, or they may agree to submit unresolved issues to arbitration.
Mediation/Arbitrationis a process that begins with mediation. If mediation is unsuccessful, the parties are legally obligated to proceed to arbitration. Unless agreed otherwise, an entirely new panel of conciliators will be assigned to serve as arbitrators. Christian mediation is generally so successful that most cases do not need to go to arbitration.
Arbitration deals primarily with the resolution of substantive issues. Arbitrators act as judges, and their decisions are legally binding. Going directly to arbitration without attempting mediation is usually not advisable, unless there are no personal issues to be resolved and there is no need for reconciliation between the parties.
The mediation/arbitration option, which requires both parties to stay in the process until the matter is resolved, usually affords the greatest opportunity for reconciliation and a resolution of the dispute. Therefore, conciliators usually recommend this option.
What kinds of issues can be submitted to arbitration?
Arbitration may be used to resolve a broad range of issues. However, arbitration may not be used to resolve legal issues over which civil courts will not relinquish jurisdiction (e.g., child custody, support, and visitation); issues that are solely within the jurisdiction of the family (e.g., how to teach or discipline children); or issues that are solely within the jurisdiction of the church (e.g., determining doctrine, calling or dismissing a pastor, or exercising church discipline).
May I withdraw from the conciliation process once it begins?
Not necessarily. If you have committed yourself only to mediation, any party may withdraw at any time. But if you have committed yourself to either arbitration or mediation/arbitration, all of the parties are legally obligated to proceed with mediation and, if necessary, arbitration, unless all of the parties agree to cancel the conciliation agreement. Conciliation shall be the exclusive remedy for the dispute, and the parties may not later litigate the matter in civil court.
How confidential is the conciliation process?
The parties and the conciliators must agree at the outset that with few exceptions the conciliators will not be asked to divulge information outside of the conciliation process or the ecclesiastical structure of the parties’ churches. In particular, they may not be subpoenaed to testify in subsequent legal proceedings (see Rules 16 and 17). The parties are required to commit to not divulging information to people who do not have a necessary and legitimate interest in the conflict.
How does Christian conciliation differ from other types of mediation?
Christian conciliation is more values-oriented than most other types of mediation. While all mediators will work to help the parties come to a voluntary settlement, many mediators will be reluctant to go beyond this, especially if doing so would require that they evaluate others' attitudes and behavior from a moral perspective.
In contrast, Christian conciliators make it a point to draw out the underlying reasons for a dispute, sometimes referred to as "matters of the heart." Believing that God has established timeless moral principles that he has recorded in Scripture and written in our hearts, Christian conciliators will draw the parties' attention to attitudes, motives, or actions that appear to be inconsistent with those standards. This will be especially true with parties who profess to be Christians. Anyone who claims to be a follower of Christ will be encouraged to obey his commands and behave in a manner that will honor him.
Most importantly, Christian conciliation focuses not only on what we should do (“law”) but also on what God has done and is doing for those who trust in him (“gospel”). God has forgiven our sins and made peace with us through the death and resurrection of his Son (Rom. 6:23; 1 Pet. 3:18). And he has given us the freedom and power to turn from sin (and conflict), to be conformed to the likeness of Christ (Eph. 2:1-10; Gal. 5:22-23; Rom. 8:28-29), and to become ambassadors of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:16-21).
As a result, Christian conciliators utilize biblically-based conflict coaching throughout the conciliation process. This helps the parties recognize their own contribution to a conflict and prepares them for confession and forgiveness and improved understanding of other parties’ views. This leads to both personal reconciliation and resolution of the dispute.
Why should I allow strangers to get involved in my dispute?
If you cannot resolve a dispute in private, it may no longer be a question of whether you will work with strangers. The only question is which strangers you will work with. If your dispute ends up in court, you will have very little control over the selection of a judge and a jury, and you will have little, if any, knowledge of their basic values. In contrast, if you use Christian conciliation, you will have a voice in the selection of the conciliators, and you will know that the people nominated for Christian conciliation are committed to biblical principles.
What are the limitations on a conciliator’s role?
Conciliators will not serve as religious investigators, prosecutors, or judges to bring before the general public issues that were not resolved within the ecclesiastical structure of the parties’ churches. Nor will they play a “public relations” role by making statements to the general public about a particular conflict.
Is Christian conciliation available only to Christians?
No. Many people who do not profess to be Christians have submitted disputes to conciliation and have been pleased with the results. Christian conciliators evaluate each case on an individual basis, however, and may decline to accept a case if it appears that either party does not respect the Christian principles underlying the process.
What principles will I be expected to follow during Christian conciliation?
Christian conciliation promotes traditional Judeo-Christian values and principles that are an essential part of our common law and promote healthy relationships and the proper functioning of society. For example, if you submit a case to conciliation you will be encouraged to:
Be honest
Do what is just and merciful.
Accept responsibility for your actions and admit your wrongs.
Keep your word.
Be concerned about the interests of others.
Listen carefully to what others say.
Overlook minor offenses.
Confront others constructively.
Be open to forgiveness and reconciliation.
Change harmful attitudes and behavior.
Make restitution for any damage you have caused.
In other words, if you use Christian conciliation, you will be encouraged to follow the rule that God has given to govern relations between all people.
Is a Christian free to sue another Christian?
Generally, Christians are not free to sue other Christians, at least not until they have exhausted the process that Jesus sets forth in Matthew 18:15-20 and 1 Corinthians 6:1-8. God instructs Christians to resolve their disputes within the church itself, with the assistance of other Christians if necessary. When the apostle Paul learned that the Christians in Corinth were suing one another, he wrote the following to them:
“When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers?
To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud—even your own brothers! (1 Cor. 6:1-8) “
Many Christians are unaware of this teaching, or they believe that it no longer applies today. In contrast, here is what Associate United States Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said about this passage in 1987:
“I think this passage has something to say about the proper Christian attitude toward civil litigation. Paul says that the mediation of a mutual friend, such as the parish priest, should be sought before parties run off to the law courts.... I think we are too ready today to seek vindication or vengeance through adversary proceedings rather than peace through mediation.... Good Christians, just as they are slow to anger, should be slow to sue.” 1
Justice Scalia is not the first attorney to discourage people from taking their disagreements to court. This is what Abraham Lincoln said to a class of law students over a century ago:
“Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser—in fees, expenses, and waste of time. As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough. Never stir up litigation. A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this. (Emphasis added.)”2
Why does God want Christians to avoid taking their differences to court?
One reason is that a purely legal approach to resolving a dispute often heightens animosities and permanently destroys relationships. In contrast, Christian conciliation encourages forgiveness and promotes reconciliation, which can preserve valuable relationships.
Furthermore, a court process usually fails to deal with the real causes of conflict, such as pride, selfishness, fear, vengeance, greed, bitterness, or unforgiveness. In fact, the adversarial process, which encourages people to focus on what they have done right and what others have done wrong, often leaves the parties with a distorted view of reality and actually ingrains the very attitudes and behaviors that caused the conflict in the first place. In contrast, Christian conciliation helps people to identify root problems and to make changes in their lives so that they will experience less conflict and healthier relationships in the future (see Matt. 7:3-5).
For a Christian, a primary reason for resolving disputes in a conciliatory way is to prevent a public quarrel that would give others an opportunity to criticize and mock Christianity. Resolving conflict biblically also allows us to show through our actions that we genuinely believe in Jesus Christ and trust in his teachings (see John 13:34; 14:15; 17:20-23; Eph. 4:1-3). Peace and unity are so important to Jesus that He commands us to seek reconciliation with an offended person even ahead of public worship:
“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison (Matt. 5:23-25). “
This command is not conditioned on how serious the other person's complaint might be or whether it is even justified. Even in difficult circumstances, God wants his people to make every effort to resolve their personal differences outside of the courtroom.
1 Scalia, Antonin. “Teaching about the Law.” CLS Quarterly 7, No. 4 (1987), 8-9.
2 Basler, Roy P. et al. (Ed.). (1953). Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln (Vol. 2). New Brunswick, N.J.: Rutgers University Press, 82.
Are there times when litigation is appropriate for a Christian?
Yes. God has given the civil courts jurisdiction to enforce the laws of the land and restrain crime (Rom. 13:1-7). Therefore, criminal violations, constitutional questions, and a variety of other disputes may legitimately be resolved through litigation. If one of these disputes includes personal differences between two Christians, however, they should usually try to resolve the problem in a personal way before looking to the courts for redress. Upon request, a conciliator will provide you with material that will help you to decide whether a particular dispute should be taken to court.
Should I talk to my attorney about using Christian conciliation?
Yes, if you already have an attorney. Conciliators encourage parties to consult with independent legal counsel, since Christian conciliators do not provide parties with legal advice or represent them in an attorney/client relationship. The assistance of independent legal counsel is especially helpful when dealing with significant legal rights or when using arbitration, which is influenced by state or federal statutes. Christian conciliators are happy to work with any attorneys whom the parties have retained to advise or represent them during the conciliation process. If you have not already retained an attorney, you may contact a conciliator first to see whether he or she can suggest ways of resolving your dispute without unnecessary legal expenses.
What churches support Christian conciliation?
Since Christian conciliation promotes values and principles that are common to all Christian churches, it has gained the support of churches within every major Christian community. Conciliators regularly work with evangelical, mainline Protestant, charismatic, Roman Catholic, fundamentalist, and Reformed churches.
Should I talk with my pastor about using Christian conciliation?
Certainly. Jesus has given the church primary responsibility and authority for resolving conflict and alienation among Christians. In Matthew 18:15-20 Jesus sets forth a process that involves private discussions, mediation, and authority to make a binding decision. Christian conciliation is designed to serve the church as it implements this process. Therefore, we encourage Christians involved in conflict to turn first to their church leaders for counsel and assistance. Should Christian parties desire to submit a case to Christian conciliation, we will cooperate with their churches throughout the conciliation process. Therefore, if you are involved in a conflict and belong to a church, please encourage your pastor to review this material and call us to discuss ways we can work together.
What if the other party refuses to consent to conciliation?
It is not unusual for people to have questions and apprehensions about using Christian conciliation, which, for many people, is a novel way to resolve conflict. In fact, sometimes the most challenging part of the entire conciliation process is simply getting both sides to come "to the table." We encourage you to pray as you gently and respectfully introduce the other party to Christian conciliation by directing them to our web site and asking them to review the “Frequently Asked Questions.”
If the other party initially refuses to consent to conciliation, do not be discouraged. Instead, continue to pray and seek the assistance of your church leaders, and encourage the other party to work with his or her church as well. For guidance specific to your situation, a Christian conciliator often can suggest ways to help persuade the other person to reconsider and give conciliation a chance.